I got drunk for The Grinch this is me being jolly shirt, sweater first time when I turned 18 and I had not expect it. This kid accompanied me home and he kissed me out of the blue. The worst part was that I kissed back. I didn’t enjoy it to be honest. I was so grossed out by the smell of his perfume all over my face and his saliva that I threw up. He was 14 or 15 at the time. It was EMBARRASSING. Apparently he bragged at his school on how he kissed an 18 year old. Yeah. Not fun. I molested the kid honestly how sick and disgusting is that? I felt grossed out with myself and called myself a whore for it. And I take that word very seriously, especially in Portuguese. It has a deep, negative and serious connotation to it unlike in English which is overused and lost a lot of its meaning. I am so insecure for having allowed guys to steal kisses from me.
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I felt used because I allowed myself to The Grinch this is me being jolly shirt, sweater be used. My parents raised me better than this, my siblings ESPECIALLY my sister, raised me better than this. And yet I disappointed them without them knowing about this. I will never tell them about this. I will never get drunk again. Because when I was drunk I allowed myself to be vulnerable due to my insecurities and the fear of not fitting in with people. Being drunk again would remind me of the same disappointment I went through when I allowed being used. Do not think for a second that when I get drunk I throw myself to the wolves and let myself be used in any way. That is not the point. I was drunk so many times and I did not allow anyone to be close to me. But I showed and acted on those insecurities of mine to the point where I allowed myself to be used during those three situations in my life.