For years I followed the Festive cats Christmas shirt, sweater right to choose movement, and declared I had an abortion. I wasn’t proud nor was I ashamed. 3 in total in fact, because I was taught it didn’t mean anything. That it wasn’t a life yet somehow. Until the day came a few years ago when that “boyfriend” contacted me online and hinted about the abortion. He said I must regret a lot of bad things I did. I became angry and told him I didn’t regret anything, except I did. I finally thought about it all and realized that I never would have chosen to do it. That they were lives, and what a monster I was. I don’t blame myself for being abused, just to clarify, but I do blame myself for not knowing better and finding a way out. I did try a few times to get help and repeatedly my accusations were dismissed, which was very discouraging and in ways left me feeling, not “helpless” but severely overlooked.
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While I have had some good and Festive cats Christmas shirt, sweater generally pleasant experiences, too, I find myself currently struggling. Though I did try to improve my life, several times, I eventually found myself in an abusive marriage, and encountered a very major trauma which led me to develop PTSD. I also developed a very debilitating social anxiety (I suspect from the abuse exacerbating my existing issues) and now rarely interact with other people other than my abusive mentally ill spouse whom I rely on for shelter, my parents – who have helped cement me into my current negative situation, and my two amazing children – who I continue to focus on positively. While it remains a difficult situation, I continue to try and improve my life as best I can and remain hopeful one day I will get the opportunity to flee and cut all ties from those negatively impacting my life.