As Christmas cake it’s the most wonderful time of the year shirt, sweater my oldest daughter approaches adolescence, she needs to know that her value is not determined by whether she still looks like a ten-year-old, with DD boobs slapped on for good measure. And yet that is exactly the message I send when I look at her and think, “Now that’s a physique for me to aspire to.” I feel guilty for “entrapping” my husband in a relationship when I was still slim and pretty; only to pack on the pounds once I had ensnared him. Let me be perfectly clear, my husband has neither said nor done anything to make me feel bad about my weight. But if I’m being honest, it’s what he doesn’t do anymore that stokes my fears. He no longer says, “Wow, you’re so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?” Maybe that’s because we’re now well over three years into our relationship.
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There’s a lot of things I said in the Christmas cake it’s the most wonderful time of the year shirt, sweater beginning that I don’t say anymore, either. I rarely talk about my insecurities around my weight because I don’t want to burden him. I know they’re my issues to deal with, not his. He still looks at me with love; he still wants me. What more do I want? Meanwhile, my daughters squeeze my arms, their eyes shining up at me with delight, and cry, “Chubby!” They nestle their heads into my rolls of belly fat when they need comfort. My daughters love me and my body exactly the way we are. In doing the family history he told me that his now deceased father had a seething anger and could be quite territorial and violent. In fact, he had murdered at least three people on different occasions and buried them on the farm. There was no legal obligation on my part to report this. My concern was how this affected my patient now and in any possible future actions.